All I can think is, “I am the worst possible person in the world. Every person that has tried to love me, I have manipulated, tried to control, and pushed away. I have hurt them. Told them I hated them. And I never appreciated their love. And to this day, although they have shown me selfless love, I still doubt them.”
I hate what my eating disorder makes me. I hate the sinful, fleshly nature that I carry.
I live for myself. I live to satisfy my flesh.
But praise God that He has washed me white as snow, no longer sees these things, and has made His glory and nature available to me. Praise God that He made me new by His Spirit, and whensoever I choose to walk in this newness, I am not controlled by my flesh anymore. And praise God that He is teaching me how make this a reality in my life. Little. By. Little.
I desperately desire to live as He has called me to live. And each day I choose to deny my flesh and say NO to my illness, I get closer and closer to living in that true and new nature and being confident of my identity in Him.
May I learn more and more what it means to be truly repentant over my sin.
May I walk closer with the Spirit of the Living God every single day.
May I live more in the POWER that was given to me when the Spirit was released on Pentecost.
May I live more in victory every single day.
May my life become more about serving and loving others every day.
May I learn how to have healthy, non-manipulative relationships and how to continue to break down my walls and stop pushing people away.
May I let people love me and love them in return.
May I be more like You EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Amen.
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